


Umi no Oto (The sound of the sea)

by vogue91



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Emotional Hurt, M/M, Sea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-08-23 06:57:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16614098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: The sea was rough, dark, it reflected the cloudy sky above it.He sighed.It also reflected his mood.





	Umi no Oto (The sound of the sea)

 

Yuya woke up with the feeling of a slight breeze on his skin.

He tossed and turned a couple of times under the light sheets, in that bed he was the only one in, unable to bring himself to get up.

In the end he opened his eyes, expecting to see the sun seeping in from the open window.

Instead, a greyish light welcomed him, and focusing on the breeze on his skin Yuya found it surprisingly cold.

He got up slowly and reached the window.

The sea was rough, dark, it reflected the cloudy sky above it.

He sighed.

It also reflected his mood.

They had been in Okinawa for a little over two days. Once they were done with the concerts, he and Chinen had a couple of days off, and they had thought they could take advantage of it to chill out there a while; also, Yuya hoped that was going to cheer Yuri up.

Up until now, his plan had been a complete failure.

He couldn’t really say what was wrong with Yuri; lately, he had grown distant, as if he was lost in his world and Yuya was unable to reach him.

It reminded him of those moments, not that long ago, when Yuri shut down, he put on that spiteful look of his, and acted hostile with everybody, Yuya included.

Takaki had taken that for a phase, he had waited for it to pass, and when it had happened the smile on Yuri’s face had looked like the most beautiful thing in the world.

He wasn’t always happy, but he tried his hardest to be, and that seemed to be enough.

Yuya sighed, looking outside the window once more.

He saw Yuri sitting on a bench at the edge of the beach; no one was around, the few people in town during that season had most likely been discouraged by the weather.

Yuri sat messily, looking at the sea, and even though he couldn’t see his face, Yuya could very well imagine it.

He saw his frown, his sad eyes, the way he bit his lower lip to the point of drawing blood.

He sighed, again.

He had lost count of the sighs spent for Yuri’s moods.

He barely managed to avert his eyes from him and reached his suitcase, taking a sweater which he wore directly on the shirt he used as a pyjama. Then he stepped into his sandals and grabbed the room’s key, walking out to join him.

Not that he really felt like it.

Since he had started seeing that look in his eyes he had been scared of being too close, as if the younger was always about to tell him something he wasn’t going to like.

But on the other hand he couldn’t stop his wish to know what was going through his mind, what was tormenting him, why was he so melancholic.

He felt guilty thinking he should’ve understood on his own, but he had given up a long time ago trying to get the logic behind Chinen Yuri.

He always missed his reasoning and his thoughts, and it made him feel worthless whenever he saw him like that.

He wished he could’ve soothed him, do something to erase that sadness from his eyes, but he needed Yuri’s help to do it.

He dragged his feet toward him, stopping behind the bench and kneeling down; then he crossed his arms on top of the backrest, resting his chin on them.

“Morning, Yu.” he murmured.

The younger wasn’t startled, and Yuya knew he had heard him get closer.

They didn’t look at each other. They both kept staring at the horizon, without saying a single word.

After a few minutes, when Takaki grew tired of the position, he got up and went sitting next to him, finally looking at his face.

Chinen had the same look he had pictured watching him from the window.

His eyes were sad, and it hurt to look at them.

Yuya sighed and brushed his face, softly, almost afraid he was going to be rejected.

Yuri didn’t push the hand away, but he didn’t even show he cared too much for the touch.

He acted as if Yuya didn’t exist, and the elder felt his heart break a little being ignored like that, all the more when he didn’t know why.

He withdrew the hand, hesitating.

“How long have you been up?” Yuya asked, cordial, as if the younger’s attitude was perfectly normal.

“A while. I didn’t sleep very well, so at dawn I went out to take a walk on the beach. Then I came to sit here.” he explained, his voice neutral.

Yuya didn’t throw in the towel.

“Why couldn’t you sleep?” he asked, as if he didn’t really want to know the answer.

Chinen shrugged; then he got up and slowly started walking toward the shore.

More and more confused, Yuya followed.

“Too many stuff through my mind, that’s all.” Yuri murmured, evasive, while he bent down to pick up a few rocks, throwing them in the water.

Takaki didn’t want to know. His arguments with Yuri, the way he always tried to read beyond what the younger told him, had never led to anything good for either of them.

But, as much as he didn’t want to, he knew there was no ignoring the issue and wait for it to go away on its own.

He had waited long enough; he had waited for them to catch a break from word, he had waited for time to go by, he had waited for them to be in Okinawa, always hoping to wake up one morning and find Yuri next to him in bed, with a smile maybe, looking like he didn’t have a concern in the world.

The fact that during those weeks nothing had changed, frustrated him.

“Want to tell me what’s wrong, Yuri?” he asked, cautious, knowing how little the younger cared for such direct questions.

As a matter of fact Yuri arched an eyebrow and threw a glance at him, so quick that Yuya didn’t grasp its meaning.

“There’s nothing wrong, Yuya.” he replied, too artificial and automatic to be passed for true.

Takaki made a disdainful sound, grabbing his arm and forcing him to turn and look at him.

“Please, Yu... there’s no need for you to mess with me.” he said, looking annoyed.

He was tired of having to fight against his stubbornness, he was tired of having to pull words out of his mouth.

He was tired of everything, and he would’ve liked that for once Yuri would’ve been the one to take a step toward him; but he had stopped expecting that a long time ago.

The younger wiggled out of his hold and turned around, walking toward the water and sitting down the closest he could without letting the waves reach him.

Then he turned to look at Yuya, patting the spot next to himself.

Yuya wanted to run, because he hated that look on his boyfriend’s eyes, he hated what it implied.

He went next to him, sitting down and crossing his legs, without looking at him.

He’d rather stare at the sea while Chinen spoke to him, he’d rather not be forced to look at his face, caused he didn’t want Yuri to see his.

But the younger wasn’t talking.

He sighed from time to time, and he kept quiet.

Yuya didn’t want to insist no more, and he wasn’t going to.

He sat still next to him, because after all the time he had spent mulling over all the things he could do to make him better, a few more minutes weren’t going to make much of a difference.

“Yuya...” the younger said then, turning toward him. “I don’t love you anymore.”

Takaki froze.

He didn’t feel anything.

The way he had said that, the coldness in his eyes, how direct he had been, a thing he had always hated.

He stood up slowly, his eyes fixated on him.

“What do you mean you don’t love me anymore?” he whispered, frowning.

Chinen stood up as well, shrugging, his eyes on the sand beneath their feet.

“It means what it means. You can't tell me you didn’t see that... things have changed, that lately nothing’s been good. Am I wrong?” he asked, tormenting the palm of his hands with his fingernails.

Yuya brought a hand to his chin, forcing him to raise his head.

“Of course I saw it, Yuri. How could’ve have I missed the fact that you barely speak to me, that you don’t care about what I do, that nothing’s ever good enough for you? But I’ve waited for it to pass, I’ve done my best to make you a little happier... and I don’t think I deserve this.” he told him, panicking.

He didn’t know how to feel; Yuri’s words echoed in his mind, and the more he tried to understand the less sense it made.

_I don’t love you anymore._

After all the time they had spent together, was this really all he deserved?

Those emotionless words, remorseless, that spiteful look, as if it was Yuya’s fault?

“I know you’ve tried, Yuuyan. But... I did too. I’ve tried to be with you, I tried to pretend everything was fine, I’ve tried to tell myself it’s just a phase, but I don’t believe that anymore. I...” he hesitated, lowering his eyes again. “I'm in love with someone else.” he murmured, and Yuya let him go as if his skin was burning.

He felt breathless, as if he had been sure he had reached the lowest point of the abyss and then he had kept on falling.

He turned around, walking back toward the hotel.

Wherever he was going, he wanted it to be as far away from Chinen as possible, but the younger didn’t allow him to.

“Yuuyan! Wait, please, let me explain!” he said, grabbing his wrist. The elder harshly wiggled out and looked at him in a way that he hoped conveyed what he was feeling.

He looked at Chinen in front of him, and all he felt was hatred.

All the love, all the desire to make him feel better, all he had been through lately to bring the smile back on his face... it had all been swallowed up by Yuri’s words, and now all he felt was emptiness.

“What is there to explain, Yuri? What is there to say? Isn't it enough to tell me you don’t love me, that you love someone that’s not me?” he said, sarcastic. “I wish you would’ve told me before, I would’ve avoided suffering because I thought you were in pain.” he added, his voice trembling.

But he wasn’t going to cry. He wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction, to make him so important.

Even though he was and he felt broken in half right now.

He wanted to disappear.

“I know I’ve made mistakes. I know you hate me, I know I should’ve told you before. For days I’ve been thinking about what to do. I’ve looked for something to keep me with you, Yuya, but the more I think about it the less solutions I find. And I'm sorry, but I can't feel anything anymore for you.” he said, so firm and determined that it turn Takaki even worse; he would’ve expected some emotions at least now that he was breaking up with him.

But deep down he knew he should’ve never expected something like that from him, he knew how Chinen’s mind worked, and he had always been wrong thinking he could’ve torn down that wall separating them, that constant feeling he had always felt for Yuri something more than Yuri felt for him.

He looked at him for a few more seconds, then he couldn’t hold back anymore and he slapped him.

It must’ve hurt, but he didn’t care. It was nothing compared to what Chinen had just done to him.

The younger brought a hand to his face, surprised. Then, he just left.

He didn’t say anything else, he didn’t explain, he didn’t defend his choices.

He headed toward the hotel, leaving Yuya alone on the beach, leaving behind the trail of his words.

Takaki stood still for a while, then he fell on his knees.

It was over.

Until a short while before he had hoped he could’ve solved it, that he could’ve gotten back to Tokyo with a happy Yuri, that they could’ve started where they had left off.

There wasn’t going to be any of that.

And it wasn’t about any other man, about that love Chinen declared he felt for someone else, because Yuya knew it couldn’t be real.

Because Yuri, he had tested that on his own skin, couldn’t love; not without hurting those around him, not without injuring permanently whomever tried to make him happy.

Yuya was going to wear the scars forever. He had tried, and it had been useless.

He hadn't brought the smile back on Yuri’s face, and Yuri had stolen the smile from his.

He burst out crying, sobbing, screaming, trying to let all the pain out.

And then he was quiet again, listening to the sound of the waves on the shore.

All he wanted to hear that day, was the sound of the sea.

Instead, on the background he heard clearly the sound of his heart breaking.


End file.
